At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
