next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
