I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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