its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
