i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
