This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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