It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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