Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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