So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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