i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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