Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
