just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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