That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
