He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
