this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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