Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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