True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
