I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
whose parrot is this?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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