im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize