Don't make out with my wife yet
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize