I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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