You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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