A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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