I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
