There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
