We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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