I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
