The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
