I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
