what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
