alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
