im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
