I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
