member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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