I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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