Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
