you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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