Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
