you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
