people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
