My room smells like vodka and shame
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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