After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My dick has a subreddit
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
