Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
