I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
