No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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