The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
