Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
