did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
