On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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