its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
