kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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