this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
