Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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