I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
