and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize