Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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