Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize