This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize