This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Enjoy the penises
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
