I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
