Less talking, more tequila
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
