Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
