I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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