did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
