On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
