I think my vagina is haunted
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
