I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
