so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
