you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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