I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
