I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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